My son was the first in my family to be diagnosed with ADHD. Of course we knew about the hyperactivity. His first grade teacher said it. His second grade teacher. His third grade teacher sent the first formal letter. (By the way.. did I mention that I worked at the school he attended?!?)
But he was smart. (Very high IQ.) He was learning the content, even if his grades weren’t great. So when teachers shifted the conversation to medication, I said, “No way!” It felt like the meds were just to make the teachers’ lives more peaceful. And I wasn’t doing that!
So we went through fourth grade, and fifth grade, and sixth grade, just the same. Well….. getting worse.
Starting in seventh grade, he developed a different problem. Anxiety and crying. I mean really crying. On the floor in the hall of his middle school crying. On a field trip to the museum crying. All the time…. crying.
So we finally went to the doctor, who fortunately was also a family friend. I said I wanted mood stabilizing medication. He said no, we treat the ADHD. I said I don’t care about the ADHD… I care about the crying! And then my pediatrician changed my life. He said…
“You know how when you’ve had a bad day at work, every other part of your life is bad? David’s had a bad day at work for seven years. Let’s fix that.”
Sigh…. after I stopped crying, I realized. His teachers had been good and kind and loving, but still…. for seven years he has heard “David where’s your pencil?” “David no homework again?” “David pay attention” “David sit down.” “David you are failing David you are failing David you are failing….” OF COURSE HE WAS HAVING EMOTIONAL MELTDOWNS.
And I understood that completely. And we started taking his ADHD seriously, which did include medicine. And as a special education teacher, I told this story to parent after parent to make sure that they understood that ADHD has more impact than just learning or grades.
He would be a junior in high school before I could see that the same thing had been building up in my life. For almost 50 years.
And that’s when my life really started to change.
I wonder if maybe you can see some of this in your life? Maybe now is the moment that your life can change.